WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
