I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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