I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
