We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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