how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
