i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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