we made out on top of his cat.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
