remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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