WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
