Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he puts the penis in happiness.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
