I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
