Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
