ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
