names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
