She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you inspire me to be a worse person
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
