Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
