im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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