I got chris browned last night
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
