i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
