she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
