forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
