I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
