Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
