His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
