Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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