Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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