just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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