Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
