I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
