walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
