At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize