On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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