no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
