i would punch a child for taco bell
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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