:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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