The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That was an excessively violent trivia night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize