hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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