I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There r osticjed everywhere
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
