I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
