she woke up with a sticky ear
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
