Who wears a wallet chain?!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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