2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
