Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Pants are for mortals
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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