it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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