I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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