did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
