im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
