I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
