I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
