I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
