So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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