i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
