When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
