a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
