I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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