Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
