im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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