Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
