we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
