I skipped work to stalk him.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
