Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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