so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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