How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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