I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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