I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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