This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
