we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
