The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
