Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
