Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize