She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize