The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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