I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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