I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
